This isn’t a piece on psychology, but over the 46 years as an avid enthusiast, I’ve definitely noticed a certain personality type that tends to attach to Corvette owners. It’s typically known as a type-A “OCD” personality, and for someone who is afflicted, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. As a matter of fact, I’ve come to embrace my “quirks.” But let’s be frank–while many of the attributes of this personality type are very helpful in life, some are downright annoying! Do you feel me? [Author’s Note: This article is FREE and not behind a paywall. If/when any popups occur, please click to make them disappear and continue enjoying the article.]
With another year in the rear-view mirror, the silly tradition is we are supposed to self-reflect and come up with a list of self-improvement ideas. But, for us car guys, that list usually extends to our Corvettes–things that must be done before it is “perfect.” Am I right? Maybe your exhaust isn’t loud enough, the paint could be shinier, or you need just one more mod before it’s fast enough. The list for you, I’m sure, goes on and on.
If you identify with the sentiment of this piece so far, perhaps this list (aside from providing a chuckle) can be cathartic for you. Let’s break free and feel the freedom together! I have my flame suit on. While these are a lighthearted, cheeky approach to those of us who worry and obsess too much, there is some truth in each one that may trigger you. Or, maybe even inspire you to let loose and let go of the control just a bit.
CorvSport’s Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions For Owners Who Worry & Obsess
#5
I resolve to treat my Corvette like a fast-food restaurant.
That’s right, I said it! You and your passengers now have permission to eat and drink sugary sodas in your precious Corvette. The system to prevent mayhem is quite simple: use a towel for a lap bib and have cups with tight sippy lids. Or you could choose to be truly free and let your Corvette’s interior look like this C5 below, which is why vacuums and carpet cleaners were invented. And cleaning your interior more could help with those exercise resolutions! Boom, it’s a win-win.
Be free like this owner was!
#4
I resolve to care less about how I look in my old-school wardrobe.
Corvette boomers, unite and embrace your jorts and New Balance shoes. Be comfortable! I can’t think of anything more comfortable, especially for car shows and lollygagging with other owners, than tennis shoes and short pants. And do you really expect me to wear low-cut ankle socks?!? Heck no! Go up the leg with that white cotton, or go home. When you pass a certain age, comfort is goal number one. Really, it’s the only goal. Here are two funny pieces we did regarding this controversial wardrobe style.
Embrace the style!
#3
I resolve to use only one bucket when washing my Corvette!
Come on already; you can use one bucket as efficiently and effectively as two. When did this two-bucket nonsense begin? Honestly, I just think it’s a conspiracy from the “Big Bucket” industry. I’ve been using one bucket my whole life, sometimes none, with just light soap on a mitt–gasp! With one bucket, you just start at the top, and when washing lower, dirtier sections, quickly rinse your mitt before putting it back in the bucket. When moving to the wheels, pick up your separate wheel brush and remove the body panel mitt. Ok, flame suit on with this one for sure!
Seriously, screw this complexity!
#2
I resolve to quit wasting money preserving my Corvette for the next owner.
I’ve lost count of how many times I see an excited enthusiast remark on social media that they can’t drive their new Corvette (at all) until it is fully protected by this bizarre PPF (paint protection film) and ceramic coating trend. Back in the day, we C5 guys pulled off the lot with our brand-new Corvettes and immediately took a road trip! To hell with rock chips! And you know what, miraculously, with 200,000+ miles on my various C5s, I never had any noticeable rock chips.
But no, these days, many brand new C8s are getting the full clear condom treatment! Corvette owners unite! Quit spending money and time to preserve your Corvette for the next owner! It’s nonsense; you won’t have this car two years from now because you’ll be onto the next shiny object.
These beautiful creations don’t need to be wrapped in a clear condom. Save the money, buy some touchup paint, and let the road trip miles rip! Previous Corvette owners did just fine without PPF; you never saw this craze with C5 or C6 owners. And don’t even get me started on ceramic coating. It’s just another money-grabbing scam from “Big Ceramic.” Apply some quality hand wax, or even better, some spray wax, and your baby will be just fine!
Stop this money-sucking nonsense!
#1
I resolve to worry less about where I park!
Corvette owners, let 2025 be the year where your parking OCD is liberated! Dare I say, park like an idiot! Of course, not as poorly as some in the pictures below, but you get the idea. Helpful hint: Corvettes are made out of SMC (sheet molded composite). They DO NOT ding! Please quit saying you are worried about your Corvette getting dinged or dented! Now, before you go off the rails, yes, I do know they can chip (or crack) with enough force. But, from memory, I seem to recall they tested the C5 to like 9 pounds of force before the SMC body panel was damaged.
I bet these owners are stress-free and carefree!
In Closing, I resolve to break free from the things I worry and obsess about!
As always, a big thanks from CorvSport for being a part of our community in 2024! If you want to keep up to date with all the fresh Corvette news and maintain a pulse on the lifestyle and culture of this exciting, iconic brand, CorvSport has the fastest-growing Corvette community on our Facebook page, with over 172,000 followers (53,000 since January 2023!). Come join other hardcore enthusiasts and say hello. This is Douglas B. signing off–click here if you would like to see more of my features.
